The Psychology of "With or Without You" Energy

What do the military and college have in common? More than you might think. Both are institutions designed to shape, mold, and prepare individuals for a future they can’t yet imagine, but the catch? You risk losing sight of who you are if you let these experiences define you entirely.Through my time in the military and my observations of college life, I’ve come to realize how similar the two can be. From strict routines to social dynamics, both environments push individuals to adapt, grow, and find their place within a system. But beyond the surface, there’s a deeper takeaway: while these experiences can elevate us, they should never define who we are.Structure and Routine: The Backbone of Both WorldsIn the military, routine is not just a way of life, it’s survival. My time as part of Marine Wing Support Squadron 171 (MWSS-171) in Iwakuni, Japan, taught me the importance of structure. Our squadron supported air operations, and within the support company, we handled logistics like moving heavy equipment on the flight line. Later, I worked in Station Fuels, ensuring aircraft and ground support equipment were fueled and ready.Every day was meticulously scheduled. We had specific times for chow, classes, and duties. This rigid structure ensured that everything operated seamlessly, especially in high-stakes environments where mistakes weren’t an option.Similarly, in college, students follow structured schedules: lectures, labs, study groups, and exams. While the military emphasizes physical execution and mission readiness, college focuses on intellectual growth and career preparation. Yet, the core experience is strikingly similar, both environments train individuals to meet future challenges by immersing them in repetitive, purposeful tasks."Structured repetition instills discipline, focus, and a strong work ethic. It’s not just about mastering tasks but preparing for moments when execution becomes critical."But where the military differs is in its physical constraints. In college, students have more freedom to skip a class or take a day off. In the military, skipping is not an option. Your life is dictated by the mission, and accountability is non-negotiable. While this lack of flexibility can feel restrictive, it taught me responsibility and resilience, qualities I imagine are mirrored in the rigorous demands of higher education.MWSS-171 Marines at CATC Camp Fuji, July 2020, gearing up after a weapons training session during COVID. Moments before their 3 mile hike back to base, showcasing resilience and readiness in every step.Groups, Cliques, and Unavoidable InteractionsSocial dynamics in the military are another unexpected parallel to college life. Within MWSS-171, our squadron was divided into platoons—Alpha, Bravo, and Support Company. Each platoon had its own responsibilities and culture, fostering a sense of identity and camaraderie. But, like in college, cliques inevitably formed.The key difference? In the military, you didn’t have the luxury of avoiding people you didn’t like. Whether it was during PT, chow, or mandatory squadron events hosted by the commanding officer, you were required to interact with everyone. Absence wasn’t an option, it could lead to consequences from your platoon sergeant."The military taught me how to work alongside people I didn’t get along with—a skill that I believe is equally valuable in college, where group projects and shared spaces demand collaboration with diverse personalities."During a visit to Belmont University, where my girlfriend works, I noticed something striking. Sitting in the cafeteria, I observed how students navigated the social environment, forming groups and hierarchies. It reminded me of the chow halls on base. In both settings, there’s a subtle pressure to find your place within the system, whether it’s in a platoon, a club, or a study group.These environments force you to build relationships, even with people you wouldn’t naturally connect with. While challenging, this dynamic fosters emotional intelligence, adaptability, and the ability to find common ground, all essential skills in life beyond both the military and college.September 1st 2021: I was honored to be promoted to Corporal in the USMC. Standing beside me is LT. Col. Jonathan A. Hutchison former commanding officer of Headquarters and Headquarters Squadron (H&HS) who presented this milestone. Finding Identity: Beyond the Uniform or the DegreeOne of the most profound lessons I’ve learned is how easily these institutions can consume your identity. As a Marine, I wore my title with pride. But when I left the service, I struggled to figure out who I was outside of the uniform."I was ‘Val, the Marine,’ but I was also Ashley Valdivieso—an individual with dreams, goals, and interests beyond the Corps."Separating myself from the institution was a long process. I had to learn that my worth wasn’t tied to my rank or title. Similarly, I’ve seen college graduates face the same struggle. After years of defining themselves by their majors or achievements, they step into the world and ask, “Now what?”Both environments offer invaluable lessons, but they can also confine you if you let them. The real challenge, and growth, comes when you take those lessons and use them to build an identity that’s uniquely yours.The Challenge of TransitionEntering the military was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Boot camp tested every part of me—physically, mentally, and emotionally. The early mornings, constant yelling, and grueling training pushed me to my limits. But I pushed through because I knew the end result—a title that carried respect and pride—was worth it.Leaving, however, was even harder. For a long time, I felt like my identity was tied to my service. I’ve seen fellow Marines struggle with the same thing. Similarly, I’ve heard stories from friends who attended college about the existential crisis they faced after graduation. After dedicating years to their studies, they felt lost without the structure and identity that college provided.Both the military and college are institutions that mold you for their purposes, but the real growth comes when you step away and decide who you want to be.Takeaways: Elevating, Not Defining, OurselvesThe military and college share a common goal: to prepare individuals for the future. Both environments instill discipline, foster growth, and provide valuable experiences. But they also carry the risk of limiting your identity to a role or title."Through my journey, I’ve learned to take the best lessons from the military without letting it define me entirely. The same applies to those navigating college life."These experiences can elevate us, but they don’t determine our worth. Whether you’re navigating the structured chaos of a military base or the dynamic world of a college campus, remember this:These experiences are stepping stones, not destinations. Use them to become the best version of yourself—not for someone else’s gain, but for your own growth.‍
Scroll

How Confidence, Autonomy, and FOMO Create Irresistible Momentum

In the world of marketing, leadership, and personal branding, there’s a subtle but magnetic psychological strategy that transforms hesitation into action. It’s the essence of inevitability, the "with or without you" energy. This approach isn't about chasing approval, it’s about creating momentum so compelling that people feel drawn to join, fearing the cost of being left behind. Let’s dive deep into the psychology behind this concept and explore how it reshapes influence and engagement.

The Foundations of "With or Without You" Energy

At its core, "with or without you" energy projects confidence and independence, leveraging key psychological triggers that govern human behavior.

1. Scarcity and FOMO

Scarcity, a cornerstone of behavioral economics, makes us value what feels exclusive or limited. Couple this with FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), and you have a potent cocktail for action.

“The fear of missing out not only accelerates decision-making but magnifies the perceived value of an opportunity.”

When a leader or brand conveys that success is inevitable, with or without someone’s involvement, it triggers an urgency to act. Loss aversion research, pioneered by Nobel laureates Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky, underscores this, humans are far more motivated to avoid losses than to seek equivalent gains.

2. Confidence as a Magnetic Force

Confidence is contagious. Studies in leadership psychology consistently show that confidence, even when not backed by superior competence, often sways decisions and earns trust. This aligns with the authority bias, where people naturally defer to those who exude self-assurance.

“Confidence, when paired with authenticity, becomes a gravitational pull, it transforms hesitation into trust.”

By projecting "with or without you" energy, leaders and brands position themselves as autonomous entities. This reassures their audience that the venture isn’t reliant on external validation, making it inherently more attractive.

3. Social Proof and Herd Behavior

Humans are social creatures, deeply influenced by collective behavior. Social proof, a principle popularized by psychologist Robert Cialdini, suggests that people are more likely to engage with something others are already part of.

“Momentum builds trust, when people see movement, they want to be part of it, fearing the cost of exclusion.”

By showcasing that progress is already underway, the "with or without you" stance signals inevitability. It frames participation as an opportunity to join a winning team.

The Emotional and Cognitive Triggers

1. The Risk of Exclusion

The fear of being left out is primal. Historically, exclusion from a group equated to vulnerability. Evolutionary psychology explains this as a survival instinct, we’re hardwired to seek inclusion in strong, thriving groups.

“The cost of being left behind is not just practical, it’s deeply psychological.”

2. Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive dissonance arises when someone’s current actions conflict with their desires or values. By projecting an aura of self-reliance, the "with or without you" approach forces people to reconcile their hesitation with the perceived inevitability of success. The result? They act to resolve the discomfort.

Applications of "With or Without You" Energy

This mindset isn’t just theoretical, it’s actively shaping industries, movements, and personal brands.

1. Leadership

Leaders who adopt "with or without you" energy inspire action and loyalty.

Case Study: Elon Musk
Musk’s ventures, such as SpaceX and Tesla, operate on this principle. By confidently presenting his vision as inevitable, he compels investors and customers alike. His messaging isn’t about seeking approval, it’s about showcasing progress.

Actionable Takeaway for Leaders:

  • Frame your vision as unstoppable.
  • Focus on milestones to reinforce momentum.
  • Replace pleas for validation with bold statements of intent.

2. Marketing and Branding

Brands that master this energy position themselves as cultural phenomena rather than mere products.

Case Study: Nike
Nike’s iconic "Just Do It" campaign embodies independence and aspiration. The brand doesn’t plead for attention, it challenges you to join the ethos.

Actionable Takeaway for Marketers:

  • Use language that signals exclusivity, “Be part of the movement before it’s too late.”
  • Highlight stories of those already onboard, reinforcing collective momentum.
  • Avoid desperation in messaging, instead, inspire empowerment.

3. Personal Branding

Personal branding thrives on the perception of inevitability.

Case Study: Gary Vaynerchuk
Gary Vee projects the image of an unstoppable force. His confidence attracts followers who want to align with his energy, not because he needs them, but because they see the value of being part of his journey.

Actionable Takeaway for Individuals:

  • Share your progress publicly to demonstrate momentum.
  • Position your achievements as stepping stones toward a larger vision.
  • Let confidence, not arrogance, be your foundation.

Balancing Confidence and Approachability

While "with or without you" energy is powerful, it requires balance. Overconfidence can alienate, and exclusivity without substance can backfire.

The Danger of Overconfidence

Arrogance is a risk. To mitigate this, combine confidence with humility. Acknowledge supporters while maintaining an independent stance.

“Confidence without gratitude becomes arrogance, momentum thrives when people feel valued.”

Authenticity is Non-Negotiable

False momentum is easily exposed. Ensure your claims are backed by genuine progress, real testimonials, and visible results.

Crafting Copy with "With or Without You" Energy

To translate this psychology into effective copywriting:

  1. Start with Independence
    Lead with confidence, “We’re already making waves, join the movement that’s reshaping the industry.”
  2. Highlight Progress
    Showcase milestones or testimonials, “Over 10,000 people have already taken the leap, are you ready to be next?”
  3. Invite Without Pleading
    Frame the opportunity as an exclusive choice, “The doors are closing soon, will you be on board or left behind?”
  4. Close with Assurance
    Reiterate momentum, “We’re building this with or without you, but we’d love for you to be part of the journey.”

Conclusion: The Power of Self-Sufficiency

The "with or without you" energy is more than a strategy, it’s a philosophy. It leverages primal human instincts like the need for belonging, the fear of loss, and the draw of confidence to inspire action. Whether you’re leading a team, launching a product, or building a personal brand, adopting this mindset transforms how others perceive and engage with you.

In the end, the greatest movements don’t wait for approval, they create their own momentum. Will your vision move forward with or without them?

Continue reading

Proin euismod, urna vitae auctor venenatis, mi metus consectetur est, non rutrum sapien eros non.
View all posts
Start the conversation

Let's start building binge-worthy experiences for your customers

Schedule a call