The Psychology of "With or Without You" Energy
What do the military and college have in common? More than you might think. Both are institutions designed to shape, mold, and prepare individuals for a future they can’t yet imagine, but the catch? You risk losing sight of who you are if you let these experiences define you entirely.Through my time in the military and my observations of college life, I’ve come to realize how similar the two can be. From strict routines to social dynamics, both environments push individuals to adapt, grow, and find their place within a system. But beyond the surface, there’s a deeper takeaway: while these experiences can elevate us, they should never define who we are.Structure and Routine: The Backbone of Both WorldsIn the military, routine is not just a way of life, it’s survival. My time as part of Marine Wing Support Squadron 171 (MWSS-171) in Iwakuni, Japan, taught me the importance of structure. Our squadron supported air operations, and within the support company, we handled logistics like moving heavy equipment on the flight line. Later, I worked in Station Fuels, ensuring aircraft and ground support equipment were fueled and ready.Every day was meticulously scheduled. We had specific times for chow, classes, and duties. This rigid structure ensured that everything operated seamlessly, especially in high-stakes environments where mistakes weren’t an option.Similarly, in college, students follow structured schedules: lectures, labs, study groups, and exams. While the military emphasizes physical execution and mission readiness, college focuses on intellectual growth and career preparation. Yet, the core experience is strikingly similar, both environments train individuals to meet future challenges by immersing them in repetitive, purposeful tasks."Structured repetition instills discipline, focus, and a strong work ethic. It’s not just about mastering tasks but preparing for moments when execution becomes critical."But where the military differs is in its physical constraints. In college, students have more freedom to skip a class or take a day off. In the military, skipping is not an option. Your life is dictated by the mission, and accountability is non-negotiable. While this lack of flexibility can feel restrictive, it taught me responsibility and resilience, qualities I imagine are mirrored in the rigorous demands of higher education.MWSS-171 Marines at CATC Camp Fuji, July 2020, gearing up after a weapons training session during COVID. Moments before their 3 mile hike back to base, showcasing resilience and readiness in every step.Groups, Cliques, and Unavoidable InteractionsSocial dynamics in the military are another unexpected parallel to college life. Within MWSS-171, our squadron was divided into platoons—Alpha, Bravo, and Support Company. Each platoon had its own responsibilities and culture, fostering a sense of identity and camaraderie. But, like in college, cliques inevitably formed.The key difference? In the military, you didn’t have the luxury of avoiding people you didn’t like. Whether it was during PT, chow, or mandatory squadron events hosted by the commanding officer, you were required to interact with everyone. Absence wasn’t an option, it could lead to consequences from your platoon sergeant."The military taught me how to work alongside people I didn’t get along with—a skill that I believe is equally valuable in college, where group projects and shared spaces demand collaboration with diverse personalities."During a visit to Belmont University, where my girlfriend works, I noticed something striking. Sitting in the cafeteria, I observed how students navigated the social environment, forming groups and hierarchies. It reminded me of the chow halls on base. In both settings, there’s a subtle pressure to find your place within the system, whether it’s in a platoon, a club, or a study group.These environments force you to build relationships, even with people you wouldn’t naturally connect with. While challenging, this dynamic fosters emotional intelligence, adaptability, and the ability to find common ground, all essential skills in life beyond both the military and college.September 1st 2021: I was honored to be promoted to Corporal in the USMC. Standing beside me is LT. Col. Jonathan A. Hutchison former commanding officer of Headquarters and Headquarters Squadron (H&HS) who presented this milestone. Finding Identity: Beyond the Uniform or the DegreeOne of the most profound lessons I’ve learned is how easily these institutions can consume your identity. As a Marine, I wore my title with pride. But when I left the service, I struggled to figure out who I was outside of the uniform."I was ‘Val, the Marine,’ but I was also Ashley Valdivieso—an individual with dreams, goals, and interests beyond the Corps."Separating myself from the institution was a long process. I had to learn that my worth wasn’t tied to my rank or title. Similarly, I’ve seen college graduates face the same struggle. After years of defining themselves by their majors or achievements, they step into the world and ask, “Now what?”Both environments offer invaluable lessons, but they can also confine you if you let them. The real challenge, and growth, comes when you take those lessons and use them to build an identity that’s uniquely yours.The Challenge of TransitionEntering the military was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Boot camp tested every part of me—physically, mentally, and emotionally. The early mornings, constant yelling, and grueling training pushed me to my limits. But I pushed through because I knew the end result—a title that carried respect and pride—was worth it.Leaving, however, was even harder. For a long time, I felt like my identity was tied to my service. I’ve seen fellow Marines struggle with the same thing. Similarly, I’ve heard stories from friends who attended college about the existential crisis they faced after graduation. After dedicating years to their studies, they felt lost without the structure and identity that college provided.Both the military and college are institutions that mold you for their purposes, but the real growth comes when you step away and decide who you want to be.Takeaways: Elevating, Not Defining, OurselvesThe military and college share a common goal: to prepare individuals for the future. Both environments instill discipline, foster growth, and provide valuable experiences. But they also carry the risk of limiting your identity to a role or title."Through my journey, I’ve learned to take the best lessons from the military without letting it define me entirely. The same applies to those navigating college life."These experiences can elevate us, but they don’t determine our worth. Whether you’re navigating the structured chaos of a military base or the dynamic world of a college campus, remember this:These experiences are stepping stones, not destinations. Use them to become the best version of yourself—not for someone else’s gain, but for your own growth.
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